To help myself stay focused, continue to work hard even though my bones ache with exhaustion (it's been a long, hot summer), and keep on going I have adopted a mental mentor.
The mental mentor is a concept I've picked up for lack of a real one. Being in the middle of nowhere in a town of less than 1,000 people based almost solely on agriculture, and some commercial enterprises leaves little in the way of mentors. When ownership comes to the motel I latch onto them, discuss my concerns, and listen carefully to whatever they say. I also probe their ideas, origins, and skills. In spite of all I've learned from them thus far, they are not my mental mentors.
Mine I will keep to myself for a few reasons. A.) The mentor sometimes changes, B.) The current one is not well thought of, and C.) His time served in my mind is an experiment. The more I learn about him, the more I empathize, though to be honest his childhood was marred by tragedy, the loss of a sibling, and then later the loss of another which to him opened up a world of opportunity. I sympathize, but I don't know what it is to lose one so close.
The benefit of having this mentor in my mind is multi-layered. He worked incredibly hard during his life. He was extremely intelligent. He suffered extreme bouts of self-doubt, and never believed that he was worthy of his legacy. In general I think all of us can sympathize with that. This makes him much more human, and more relatable. Flaws generate realism, and this man is remarkably human. He helps me remember a few things.
A.) I am coming from nothing, but it does not matter so long as I B.) continue to work hard, study, and improve myself, and C.) invest my time and energy into the things that I love and enjoy. If I find myself losing focus I think, "What would ____ think?" I know what he would think, because he would let me know what he thought.
The effects of this experiment have been significant. Two days ago I began a bit of a collapse. It begins with questions of doubt, "Who do you think you are? You aren't that intelligent. Why do you aspire to try when you seem so dwarfed by great minds? Look at what you've achieved so far. Nothing notable." This inner monologue, however, soon ceased as I made some personal observations in answer to this melee. Who do I think I am? Who is anyone? They are who they make themselves to be. I am intelligent. I try because I want to be a great mind. Because I have not achieved anything truly noteworthy, I want to. And I aspire to. The tragedy is not to have tried and failed. The tragedy is never trying, and living in regret.
Basic philosophy is taking the place of self-doubt in my life. I know that has come as a result of having someone to look up to. While I don't want to aspire to be him, I do aspire to achieve as he achieved, and learn from his life. For once I want to learn well, rather than learning the hard way.
The Hard Way
While we are on topic, let's talk about what I've learned about learning the hard way. It's quite simple. Learning the hard way requires a few specific elements. Element number 1, don't pay attention to the problem, or its solutions. It won't go away, it will complicate, and it will result in fallout. Once the fallout lifts, you will have learned. Element 2, don't listen to those who have been there, and done that. They are right, but you don't care. You don't respect their advice because you don't respect much of anything, including yourself. And Element 3, don't learn to pay attention, wait for the fallout, and continue not listening to wisdom. If you follow these principles you will continue to learn the hard way for the rest of your life.
Mental Mentor
He is referred to by many ideas. He is someone to look up to, someone to aspire to be like, and someone to exemplify. If you gain a more intimate understanding of who your mental mentor was in life, including reading their own words, and understanding as much as you can about where they came from, and how they got to where they are, then you will have a mental mentor. You will be able to understand how they think, why they think that way, and what they would feel in the moment. "What would ________ think?"
If you have an intimate enough understanding of that person, you would be able to make a fair assumption about what they would think.
This brings up another concern. The man I admire is, in the perspective of the world, far above me. That doesn't bother me. I'm not interested in what titles he attained, or where his career took him. I am interested in the excellence of the person. He could be a legendary Hollywood actor, a reclusive author, an ancient King, or President of the United States. It does not matter. What matters is the kind of person they were, how much respect you have for them, and if you can relate. If you share these things in common, then your mental mentor could be literally anyone.
I aspire to have an actual mentor one day soon. Someone who can, at last, show me the ropes, and share wisdom. But in the meantime I have had to be proactive, and adopt my own. His presence has helped me work harder, smarter, and more effectively. It has helped me stay focused, and have confidence in my abilities.
One of the things I have had problems with is scattered focus. I tend to carry on too much at the same time. What can I say? I want to experience it all, know it all, and understand it all. I will read a dozen books at a time, jumping from one to the next several times in the same day. I will try to stay up on current events from several sources. I will try to run the motel, care for the grounds, manage the maids, do the maintenance while indulging my interests. I am a family man, taking care of, and playing with my boys, showing my wife affection, and striving to be an example of what I want them to be. I am a Master's degree student, I write another blog, and I write for a website actively on the side.
I'm busy. But with my mental mentor keeping me in line my focus has improved. I have been able to multi-task without losing my place. I have been able to be more clear about what I want to do, and who I want to be. With the latter you must determine every instant of every day where you want your choices to lead you. While wasting time on the Facebook home feed, are you neglecting something that would help you get closer to the person you want to be? It's difficult to remember that when your attention is stolen by something amusing, but not really edifying.
Our time here is limited. Make the most of it any way you can. You can't get back yesterday, but you can do whatever you want to with today. Use your idol as a mental mentor, and lock in your destiny. Pretty soon that voice in your head will turn from scorn and derision, to encouragement and affection. You'll learn self-love because you have a companion to yourself. Someone who has been there, and whose wisdom you appreciate.
We all have that inner affectation toward a character we can sympathize with. Don't worry about who it is so long as you listen to your sense.
Graduation
When the summer is slammed and it's the dog days of your season, remember that to stay focused, and continue to work hard through the exhaustion and heat can only result in good things. Character, perseverance, patience, creativity, influence, and above all self-respect. Do it to do it, and you be happy with yourself on the other side.
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